As you may or may not know, I am currently between jobs. What this means is that I’ve had some free time, so I’ve been reading a lot about the fact, yeah FACT, that Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and was replaced by a lad called William Campbell
The Beatles were dead helpful about this and, despite the fact that they went to the trouble of covering up their mate’s death, they left a load of indisputable clues about this faker in all their subsequent artwork and lyrics and that. This post therefore comes heavily loaded with imagery that, if and when I die, will suddenly seem totally prescient.
For starters, there is a black cat in the photograph. Black cats are often associated with the supernatural and are thought by some to be harbingers of bad luck… But also good luck, and according to wikipedia “it is believed that a lady who owns a black cat will have many suitors” …so maybe disregard that one, eh? I couldn’t even get her to look at the camera anyway.
The switched off television set can clearly be seen to refer to the lack of media coverage of my death.
I am dressed in black with sombre expression, almost like a funeral wouldn’t you say?
My right hand is over my heart holding a dead flower, as if my heart has stopped and I, like the flower am now dead.
The empty packet of kettle chips in my left hand is a fairly obvious representation of the emptiness of the world without me in it.
And finally, most incredibly, if you record an audio track of this post, (for example if you call your own voicemail and record yourself reading this out) then play it backwards, you will actually hear a voice saying “Jalapeño No More She Die”. It’s hard to make out at first, but once you hear it it’s very obvious.
Pretty convincing stuff. If I do die before I write another post you guys are all gonna be so freaked out that I reckon it’s pretty much a win/win for me.
In summation, these are some of the greatest crisps I have ever, ever tasted. I love Kettle Chips anyway and the flavour on these is just beautiful. Not really hot at all, definitely not uncomfortably so, but oh so TASTY. Whereas the popcorn went for heat over flavour, these have all the sharp sweetness of a jalapeño… The pack says all natural flavouring and boy can you tell! 10/10. Bury me with them.
So, there you have it. Until next time… IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME…