I don’t know if you’ve seen the film Pay It Forward. I haven’t, but I think I’ve got the general idea, and if I can get an English Degree off the Simpsons version of Hamlet I reckon I can wing this too.
So like, there’s a good thing that happens, so then you tell two people right? And then each of those two people tell two people. And then eventually everyone gets to try Snyders of Hanover’s Jalapeno Pretzel Pieces.
Pictured above is the package I sent my good friend, Ellie (http://twitter.com/ellieq ) who was one of the two I paid it forward to. It’s amazing, really, I keep getting updates from new recruits eg. “Introduced someone to the pretzel pieces today and got this text ‘OMG Fuck So Good’” I have never, ever, felt like such a humanitarian. 
The Snyders of Hanover pretzel pieces also come in Hot Buffalo Wing, Buttermilk Ranch, Cheddar Cheese, Honey & Mustard and Onion flavour. I’m kind of intrigued by the Buffalo Wing (natch) but too scared that I’ll end up like at a restaurant where you order away from your favourite for the sake of being a functional adult who doesn’t only eat one thing and end up holding back tears at the injustice of having to eat something less good just because you tried to be a bigger person… Or something.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the film Pay It Forward. I haven’t, but I think I’ve got the general idea, and if I can get an English Degree off the Simpsons version of Hamlet I reckon I can wing this too.

So like, there’s a good thing that happens, so then you tell two people right? And then each of those two people tell two people. And then eventually everyone gets to try Snyders of Hanover’s Jalapeno Pretzel Pieces.

Pictured above is the package I sent my good friend, Ellie (http://twitter.com/ellieq ) who was one of the two I paid it forward to. It’s amazing, really, I keep getting updates from new recruits eg. “Introduced someone to the pretzel pieces today and got this text ‘OMG Fuck So Good’” I have never, ever, felt like such a humanitarian. 

The Snyders of Hanover pretzel pieces also come in Hot Buffalo Wing, Buttermilk Ranch, Cheddar Cheese, Honey & Mustard and Onion flavour. I’m kind of intrigued by the Buffalo Wing (natch) but too scared that I’ll end up like at a restaurant where you order away from your favourite for the sake of being a functional adult who doesn’t only eat one thing and end up holding back tears at the injustice of having to eat something less good just because you tried to be a bigger person… Or something.

I realised, when I first attempted to write this post (oh yes, this is not the first attempt) that it’s hard to express crushing disappointment when you don’t know any sporting analogies.
I wracked my brains over what could possibly descripe the anguish I felt over these chips, and was hitting a blank. WTF Taj Brand?! might have done, but it’s not the Jalapedia way.
Inspiration struck when I was, well, when I was reading the Daily Mail website. It’s a sickness. I just can’t stop reading their idiot opinions on what romper suit Suri Cruise is wearing or why Katy Perry has single handedly created the concept of middle class, teenage lesbians.
Really don’t follow that link. The next thing you know it’ll be two hours later and you’ll idly be clicking through a photo gallery of a jogging Samantha Cameron (If you want that link you can google it yourself).
I wouldn’t be surprised if 80% of the Daily Mail’s web traffic was smug jerkoffs like me. Sometimes I wonder if they tailor the most morally skewed of their opinion pieces just to get more of us to IM it to each other… Who needs The Onion, right? My friend, Chris, also pointed out that the silver surfer means big bucks so they probably make up the other 20% in between writing emails to their grandkids in “Oz” and getting scammed out of their life savings.
Which, neatly, brings me to this woman who thought she was falling in love with some fitty soldier in Afghanistan…
Look at that look on her face.
Just as she thought she was gonna get some big strong arms around her when Terry Scott came back to old blighty I thought I was gonna get to eat some tasty Jalapeno flavour plantain chips
We both handed over cash in good faith and we were both left feeling hollow, reeling, wondering if we’d ever be able to pick up the pieces.
She ended up giving £10,000 to a crafty little internet scammer and I ended up with a pack of plantain chips that made me wonder if they’d accidentally put lightly salted ones in the wrong packaging. That couldn’t really happen though, could it?
So… WTF Taj Brand?! WTF Terry Scott?! WTF?!

I realised, when I first attempted to write this post (oh yes, this is not the first attempt) that it’s hard to express crushing disappointment when you don’t know any sporting analogies.

I wracked my brains over what could possibly descripe the anguish I felt over these chips, and was hitting a blank. WTF Taj Brand?! might have done, but it’s not the Jalapedia way.

Inspiration struck when I was, well, when I was reading the Daily Mail website. It’s a sickness. I just can’t stop reading their idiot opinions on what romper suit Suri Cruise is wearing or why Katy Perry has single handedly created the concept of middle class, teenage lesbians.

Really don’t follow that link. The next thing you know it’ll be two hours later and you’ll idly be clicking through a photo gallery of a jogging Samantha Cameron (If you want that link you can google it yourself).

I wouldn’t be surprised if 80% of the Daily Mail’s web traffic was smug jerkoffs like me. Sometimes I wonder if they tailor the most morally skewed of their opinion pieces just to get more of us to IM it to each other… Who needs The Onion, right? My friend, Chris, also pointed out that the silver surfer means big bucks so they probably make up the other 20% in between writing emails to their grandkids in “Oz” and getting scammed out of their life savings.

Which, neatly, brings me to this woman who thought she was falling in love with some fitty soldier in Afghanistan…

Look at that look on her face.

Just as she thought she was gonna get some big strong arms around her when Terry Scott came back to old blighty I thought I was gonna get to eat some tasty Jalapeno flavour plantain chips

We both handed over cash in good faith and we were both left feeling hollow, reeling, wondering if we’d ever be able to pick up the pieces.

She ended up giving £10,000 to a crafty little internet scammer and I ended up with a pack of plantain chips that made me wonder if they’d accidentally put lightly salted ones in the wrong packaging. That couldn’t really happen though, could it?

So… WTF Taj Brand?! WTF Terry Scott?! WTF?!

As you may or may not know, I am currently between jobs. What this means is that I’ve had some free time, so I’ve been reading a lot about the fact, yeah FACT, that Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and was replaced by a lad called William Campbell
The Beatles were dead helpful about this and, despite the fact that they went to the trouble of covering up their mate’s death, they left a load of indisputable clues about this faker in all their subsequent artwork and lyrics and that. This post therefore comes heavily loaded with imagery that, if and when I die, will suddenly seem totally prescient.
For starters, there is a black cat in the photograph. Black cats are often associated with the supernatural and are thought by some to be harbingers of bad luck… But also good luck, and according to wikipedia “it is believed that a lady who owns a black cat will have many suitors” …so maybe disregard that one, eh? I couldn’t even get her to look at the camera anyway.
The switched off television set can clearly be seen to refer to the lack of media coverage of my death.
I am dressed in black with sombre expression, almost like a funeral wouldn’t you say?
My right hand is over my heart holding a dead flower, as if my heart has stopped and I, like the flower am now dead.
The empty packet of kettle chips in my left hand is a fairly obvious representation of the emptiness of the world without me in it.
And finally, most incredibly, if you record an audio track of this post, (for example if you call your own voicemail and record yourself reading this out) then play it backwards, you will actually hear a voice saying “Jalapeño No More She Die”. It’s hard to make out at first, but once you hear it it’s very obvious.
Pretty convincing stuff. If I do die before I write another post you guys are all gonna be so freaked out that I reckon it’s pretty much a win/win for me.
In summation, these are some of the greatest crisps I have ever, ever tasted. I love Kettle Chips anyway and the flavour on these is just beautiful. Not really hot at all, definitely not uncomfortably so, but oh so TASTY. Whereas the popcorn went for heat over flavour, these have all the sharp sweetness of a jalapeño… The pack says all natural flavouring and boy can you tell! 10/10. Bury me with them.
So, there you have it. Until next time… IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME…

As you may or may not know, I am currently between jobs. What this means is that I’ve had some free time, so I’ve been reading a lot about the fact, yeah FACT, that Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and was replaced by a lad called William Campbell

The Beatles were dead helpful about this and, despite the fact that they went to the trouble of covering up their mate’s death, they left a load of indisputable clues about this faker in all their subsequent artwork and lyrics and that. This post therefore comes heavily loaded with imagery that, if and when I die, will suddenly seem totally prescient.

For starters, there is a black cat in the photograph. Black cats are often associated with the supernatural and are thought by some to be harbingers of bad luck… But also good luck, and according to wikipedia “it is believed that a lady who owns a black cat will have many suitors” …so maybe disregard that one, eh? I couldn’t even get her to look at the camera anyway.

The switched off television set can clearly be seen to refer to the lack of media coverage of my death.

I am dressed in black with sombre expression, almost like a funeral wouldn’t you say?

My right hand is over my heart holding a dead flower, as if my heart has stopped and I, like the flower am now dead.

The empty packet of kettle chips in my left hand is a fairly obvious representation of the emptiness of the world without me in it.

And finally, most incredibly, if you record an audio track of this post, (for example if you call your own voicemail and record yourself reading this out) then play it backwards, you will actually hear a voice saying “Jalapeño No More She Die”. It’s hard to make out at first, but once you hear it it’s very obvious.

Pretty convincing stuff. If I do die before I write another post you guys are all gonna be so freaked out that I reckon it’s pretty much a win/win for me.

In summation, these are some of the greatest crisps I have ever, ever tasted. I love Kettle Chips anyway and the flavour on these is just beautiful. Not really hot at all, definitely not uncomfortably so, but oh so TASTY. Whereas the popcorn went for heat over flavour, these have all the sharp sweetness of a jalapeño… The pack says all natural flavouring and boy can you tell! 10/10. Bury me with them.

So, there you have it. Until next time… IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME…

Oh it’s saturday night? I’ll just be over here stuffing my face with Eazy Pop Chili Flavour Microwave Popcorn . 
As you can see from the picture I’ve chosen this popcorn as an accompaniment to lifetime movie, Amanda Knox: Murder on trial in Italy.
THE QUESTION IS, WHICH WILL LEAVE A WORSE TASTE IN MY MOUTH, AMIRITE?!
But seriously guys, this movie can’t not be awesome and this popcorn is not without charm.
While the Doritos in the previous post had the sharp kick of a real Jalapeño, this popcorn just has a kind of dull heat. It has a real chemical aftertaste to it.
But you get that synthetic taste with all instant popcorn, especially butter flavoured. I mean, if you want to eat something you stick in your microwave inside a sealed paper bag you have to know what you’re signing up for.
All in all I would for sure eat this popcorn again, and I’d enjoy it, but I would feel kind of gross about it. And really, who better to identify with that sentiment than Amanda Knox?

Oh it’s saturday night? I’ll just be over here stuffing my face with Eazy Pop Chili Flavour Microwave Popcorn . 

As you can see from the picture I’ve chosen this popcorn as an accompaniment to lifetime movie, Amanda Knox: Murder on trial in Italy.

THE QUESTION IS, WHICH WILL LEAVE A WORSE TASTE IN MY MOUTH, AMIRITE?!

But seriously guys, this movie can’t not be awesome and this popcorn is not without charm.

While the Doritos in the previous post had the sharp kick of a real Jalapeño, this popcorn just has a kind of dull heat. It has a real chemical aftertaste to it.

But you get that synthetic taste with all instant popcorn, especially butter flavoured. I mean, if you want to eat something you stick in your microwave inside a sealed paper bag you have to know what you’re signing up for.

All in all I would for sure eat this popcorn again, and I’d enjoy it, but I would feel kind of gross about it. And really, who better to identify with that sentiment than Amanda Knox?

April 2010, I fell in love in North Carolina. You know when you like a person for ages and finally finally you kiss and then no matter how long you guys are together after that nothing quite recreates that first kiss thrill?
Since I had Doritos 1st Degree Burn Blazin’ Jalapeño flavour I’ve been chasing that feeling.
These babies were created as part of a little gimmick where Doritos brought out chips rated first, second (buffalo) and third (habanero) degree burn. The idea was you eat them and drink the special Pepsi Max Cease Fire. God bless America, right? 
I couldn’t find any of the special Pepsi but went for the chips anyway, because I’m a total badass. Oh my goodness they tasted EXACTLY like eating from the bowl of extra jalapeños you’ve requested at the mexican restaurant… Which I’ve obviously never done because that would be gross.
Just like with real jalapeños you have a feeling where your mouth burns but each bite brings a new sharpness, cutting through any discomfort. BUT IT’S CRISPS, can you imagine?
Genuinely did have a dull ache in my stomach for like about two days after I ate these Doritos, although it might be unfair to blame that entirely on the Doritos, given the mass amounts of food I was eating in America.
I went straight out and got a pack to bring home for my brother.

April 2010, I fell in love in North Carolina. You know when you like a person for ages and finally finally you kiss and then no matter how long you guys are together after that nothing quite recreates that first kiss thrill?

Since I had Doritos 1st Degree Burn Blazin’ Jalapeño flavour I’ve been chasing that feeling.

These babies were created as part of a little gimmick where Doritos brought out chips rated first, second (buffalo) and third (habanero) degree burn. The idea was you eat them and drink the special Pepsi Max Cease Fire. God bless America, right? 

I couldn’t find any of the special Pepsi but went for the chips anyway, because I’m a total badass. Oh my goodness they tasted EXACTLY like eating from the bowl of extra jalapeños you’ve requested at the mexican restaurant… Which I’ve obviously never done because that would be gross.

Just like with real jalapeños you have a feeling where your mouth burns but each bite brings a new sharpness, cutting through any discomfort. BUT IT’S CRISPS, can you imagine?

Genuinely did have a dull ache in my stomach for like about two days after I ate these Doritos, although it might be unfair to blame that entirely on the Doritos, given the mass amounts of food I was eating in America.

I went straight out and got a pack to bring home for my brother.